choices? decisions?

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."

its like a total mind fuck, of knowing that you are capable of doing what ever you please but having to make a choice of a path of direction to your life is extremly hard. i guess maybe having to risk it? i mean thats what life is, have to make choices and risking it. it could have been like oh what if this what if that.

i feel like if i dont have plan to do something with my life, ill feel useless. and i know i have all this passion and potential, if im pushed hard enough i can do this, i just need this motivation again. the inspiration. RAWR.

& being in that age category of "18-21"[19 going on 20], its really frustrating. you see all your friends partying and you cant help but join. but having to make a decision of your education, its redonkoulious! on my previous post, " dont do what your parents want you to do, dont do what your friends are saying", dont be a follower of their dreams.

WHERES MINE? right here all along. education is really important to me, i feel like if i dont do something now! i know i wont do it later. so last friday i went down to the art institute, got my tour and everything, it was amazing. like fucking brilliant that im inlove with the place. and being 19 going on 20 this year, i feel like i need to do this FOR ME. despite the crap of student loans, etc, i mean it would be worth it. and graduating at the age of 23 isnt that bad with all the critera you are provided for. instead of waiting and waiting till what? till its right for other people? right for my parents? I DONT THINK SO. i have a young mind right now, and i dont want to loose all the knowledge, once we get older, we loose that mind set of - studying, grasping the technique to learn things quick.

plus i even have more other things going on in my head but ^this one is just my main one so far for a long time now. & other supressed shit. i just want to SCREAM because of this, so frustrating. ><

live the dream

"To those that are struggling to decide their future, I say this: Really think about what you love and enjoy in this life. Money isn't everything. It's nothing in fact. You could be the richest person in the world, but if you aren't happy with yourself and life, none of the materialistic things you own will be worth anything. Don't follow your parent's dreams, don't follow what your friends are doing or saying... do what you want with your life. People might laugh at you, nobody will believe in you, hell your parents might even disown you, but honestly, it's all worth it in the end. If the people in your life can't see that you believe in your dream whole heartily, then there isn't shit you can do about it. I know a Japanese woman who married a black man and her parents disowned her. What can you do about it? She is at the happiest point in her life now. We only live once. Live happy. Live long. And man, you won't regret anything." - from a friend =]

MY DREAM - is to go to art school, thats all i really want, [plus traveling haha]. and i dont really give a shit if its not practical or whatever. it is what i want to pursue and having to take out student loans? then so be it, i dont really care if im old and still having to pay for the debt of school. i will put all my energy into this, its my passion. i want this so badly that it fucking hurts. i will achieve this, no matter what it takes.